The holiday season for 2010 is done and I am left reflecting on something I never gave much thought before – Thank You Cards. That’s not to say I don’t thank people for my gifts but I don’t know if I ever wrote formal notes. I still don’t now. More importantly, when I was younger, if someone wasn’t in the vicinity when I opened my gift, I wouldn’t say thank you at all.
I remember once when I was younger being scolded for not sending a thank you note to one of my relatives. I was told that if I didn’t start sending thank yous I would stop receiving gifts. After that, fear of being cut off made me to be sure to thank the giver in some manner, although I still saw it as a bit of a unnecessary endeavor.
However, the older I get the more I identify with the tyrannical rule of my elders.
These last few years I have become more and more disgruntled at people who do not acknowledge the gifts I send them. I am not expecting a handwritten note or anything so formal. A text, facebook IM, phone call, email, or any of the other many means of communication would be fine.
I find it interesting that I am now annoyed by the very thing I used to do. Is it because I am older now and see the error of my ways? Is it a biological clock thing? Is it just turning into a crotchety old lady?
After sending a gift and hearing nothing back, my first concern is that you didn’t get the gift at all. The second thought is more selfish – did you like it? Wasn’t it great?
If you didn’t like it that’s ok, but I am still hurt when I don’t hear back. I feel like you don’t like me personally. That your dislike of the gift is a mirror of what you feel toward me. I wonder if my relative felt the same way?
This isn’t just from individuals either, I have donated to many nonprofit organizations both big and small. Some will send a thank you note or email while others just ignore me. I’d like to think the money I give your cause is going to something special – even if I know logically its going into a big fund. I like to receive thank you notes detailing all the items my money will be used for or just thanking me in general for supporting the cause.
This may be selfish, and reading it back it definitely comes off that way. I’m not looking for a gift back, all I’m really looking for is a “Got the gift, thanks!” I think we all want to be recognized for the things we do and as much as I try to fight against it I too need that recognition. I find it interesting that I need something so primal, and I do try to work against it. I mean, in reality I do not know the other side of the story about why thanks wasn’t sent – I am too busy focus on myself and the irrational perception that I have somehow been wronged.
In the end I realize that what I feel is irrational emotion so I don’t act on it. I will not stop sending gifts nor will I require a thank you. I think it’s important to examine our knee-jerk reactions to see how we can better ourselves. Sometimes just looking at something under the microscope highlights just how silly it is.
But what do you guys think? Do you feel bad when you don’t get a thank you note? Does it change how you interact with those people/organization?
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