Feb 15, 2015 | Literature |
***There will be strong language and adult themes in the following post. Reader beware***
It is so bad. The worst thing I have ever read, and I’m pretty lenient on book ratings. I just read a book about werebears and gave it 2 stars. I would not even give 50 Shades of Grey 1 star. I read a lot of books and romance/erotica novels are one of my guilt pleasures. I have read more that I will admit but I do think it gives me a good perspective on this book. This post is not me complaining about a genre of book I don’t enjoy.
It’s really bad. Really. I get the idea: Handsome rich guy takes you away for weekends of sexy time where you are pampered and given lavish gifts. You are so amazing that regardless of his 100s of past partners and player lifestyle he can’t think of anyone but you. The problem is 50 shades doesn’t even do this well. The characters are shallow, the writing is bad, and the dialogue is boring. There are alot of better choices.
I think this article sums it up best by saying “No new reader, however charitable, could open “Fifty Shades of Grey,” browse a few paragraphs, and reasonably conclude that the author was writing in her first language, or even her fourth. There are poignant moments when the plainest of physical actions is left dangling beyond the reach of her prose: “I slice another piece of venison, holding it against my mouth.”
Here are some notes I took while listening to the audio book:
- “I try to turn on the audio recorder, but I am all fingers and thumbs” – yes, that is how hands are built….
- ” I dropped the teabag into the hot water and almost immediately fish it out again with my spoon. I like my tea weak, I explain” – i think at this point its still hot water. There is probably more tea in the paper envelope that held the tea bag
- Christian goes into the store where Anastasia works and literally buys a rape kit. All she can ask is “so you’re a do-it-yourselfer”?
- Anastasia has the most stereotypical mexican friend ever. His name is Jose and he loves margarits and saying dios mio!
- Anastasia wonders how Christian knows it was her who drunk-dialed his cell phone. I’m gonna guess caller ID…
- Anastasia has never drank before but knows exactly what she likes and what to order at the bar.
- Claims ‘Necrophilia’ is sex with someone in a coma
- Anastasia spends so much time flushing and blushing I’m surprised she hasn’t passed out from the blood loss.
- Anastasia is a virgin who wants to give her experienced friend a safe sex lecture.
- Christian takes Anastasia’s virginity so they can get on with contract negotiation. why bother staying a virgin if you are gonna give it up so easy?
- “He takes his socks off one at a time” – I guess instead of jumping and kicking his feet up behind him and pulling both off at the same time like a ninja
- Comments like “Down there?” “Will it fit?” “How?” make me feel as if I am writing a book writted by a 15 year old.
- Don’t change condoms after finishing the first time and going for a second. Gross
- Anastasia focuses a lot on food but is never hungry
- Chapter 11 was literally reading the whole sex contract. It was literally a chapter reading the contract line by line. No addition thoughts, nothing. Seriously
- There is more, but I want to write other things in this post so I’ll stop here.
So when they finally get to the sex (chapter 8!) and Christian finds out Anastasia is a virgin he is going to handle that issue so they can get on discussing the sex contract. This is how its described:
““I’m going to fuck you now, Miss Steele,” he murmurs as he positions the head of his erection at the entrance of my sex. “Hard,” he whispers, and he slams into me.”
And this is all I can think of:
The prose is so bad they people have even developed online word generators that write 50 Shades of Grey types paragraphs. Honestly, its proably better, there is less repetition of words than the actual book. The lesson here is that even a computer can’t write a book as bad a this. Don’t believe me? Here is a list of quotes from the book…
Actual quote from the book: “His voice is warm and husky like dark melted chocolate fudge caramel…or something.”
Now I’m getting infuriated. I could rant all night on this. Let’s change pace – you want to read a “romance novel” but don’t know where to start. What advice can I give you?
First, don’t read this book. It’s like eating a junk food you don’t like – nothing good can come of it.
Second, My favorite intro romance book to recommend to newbies is “The Sinful Nights of a Nobleman“. Good story, good sexy time, entertaining characters. Plus the world building is big enough that you could read more in the series and not get too bored.
Third, if you want to expand further into the Erotica/Romance novel genre, the best way is to find a theme you like (historical, paranormal, fantasy, vampires, etc) then going to amazon or goodreads and seeing what romance is highly rated. There are erotica/romance novels in most themes and alot are well written and with all levels of interaction from light romance to full on erotica.
Finally, I also saw this list recently but can’t vouch on the entries. I can probably say they are all better than 50 Shades of Grey. Happy reading!!
Dec 30, 2014 | Literature |
Unbearable by W.H. Vega
My rating: 2 of 5 stars
You know what? Honestly one of the better romance novels I have read. I would give it 2.5 stars if the system allowed. Fast paced, well written (for the genre) and interesting.
One of the things that bothered me the most, and resulted in a lower rating, was the “forced consensual sex”. When your character is thinking things like “my mind is screaming no and I try to push him away but my body is screaming yes and won’t let me” it gets a little weird. I totally understand the romance genre dynamic of having two characters at odds eventually fall in love but usually by the point of physical contact the characters have softened their attitudes a bit. In this novel the main characters were completely at odds (regardless of the numerous sex scenes) until probably the last 5 pages – it was very jarring.
The sex would also happen at very inappropriate times – in one situation these main character had just been attacked and is very upset/shaken and as the “love interest” walks her to the car after she files a report and he suddenly grabs her and kisses her. She is bleeding and bruised. This is I think right after the first time they met so it’s literally a random stranger authority figure. Kinda uncomfortable.
Somehow the author makes it work and regardless of the awkwardness I would probably read more in this series. The characters were interesting enough to have me wondering how their stories progressed and the world building – although not spectacular – is enough to want me to learn more.
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Dec 30, 2014 | Literature |
The Executioness by Tobias S. Buckell
My rating: 3 of 5 stars
Excellent book, fast read. Fantasy setting (magic) but focuses on the casualties of war – those that are captured, those that are killed, and those that are left behind. The book focuses mostly on the last of these – a woman whose husband was killed, children captured , and town destroyed and the choices she makes to reclaim her family and her life. Depressing subject matter told in a matter-of-fact way that made the book serious but uplifting in a way.
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Oct 9, 2014 | Literature |
The God Engines by John Scalzi
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
One of the more engaging books I have read recently. Fast paced and short, I think most people could finish this in a day while fast readers could finish in hours.
The characters in this book are portrayed with depth and realism. It is a fantasy book but with enough realism (or exaggerated realism) to make it easy to slip into the minds of the characters. You begin to understand the interpersonal relationships and not only how they affect the people in the book but how those relationships can affect an entire civilization and how we act towards one another and what we must do to survive physically and mentally.
“Don’t discount that part of who he was just because you didn’t know it. None of us are all of who we are to any one person.”
The book focuses on the faith of a civilization in its god and the effect that has on everyone involved from the god itself, to the civilization, to vanquished gods, to people who know nothing of the gods.
The book does a great job of showing what happens when faith is tested, when faith fails, and what an unwavering faith – for good or for bad – can do. The faith in this book is portrayed as a religious faith, but I feel it can be applied to any faith. The fact is that faithful believe so strongly in an idea, that they believe what they are told without questioning it. Is this good? Bad? I will leave it up to the reader to decide where they stand.
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Jun 27, 2014 | Literature |
Divergent by Veronica Roth
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
Simply amazing! This is a book you will read all day, forgetting to do your chores, eat, and only feed the cats because their insistent pawing gets in the way of your reading. Took me only a day to finish it.
I didn’t know anything about this book before I started it except that it was young adult, it was popular, and it was being made into a movie.
It reminded me a bit of Ender’s Game in terms of the way the main character’s come of age and mature. Also a bit in the way society’s members are valued and what would be important. I know it is compared a lot to Hunger Games but I felt this was a better portrayal of a distopyian future than Hunger Games. I also feel this is a better book for adult to relate to.
What I liked most was the descriptions of the places and landscapes. The main character’s emotions were expertly portrayed. I liked the idea of the factions and what they stood for. I think it was an interesting concept by the author and the ideals she choose to represent each faction were a good representation of the different philosophies people have for solving the world’s troubles. Personally I also like that it took place in Chicago because I could relate to the landmarks – especially the comments about The Bean!
Some weaknesses (and spoilers):
Having the “true love’s kiss” trope at the end was a weak way to wrap it up the boyfriend situation. I was hoping there would be a struggle but Tris would somehow destroy the computer sending the instructions but only just as she is about to be choked out by Four who would then come too with his hands around her neck – way more exciting than “I heard your voice and I woke up”.
There was a bit of “hunger games” in the beginning where the character couldn’t believe someone was helping her without an ulterior motives, even though there was no evidence to support that. I did like that she eventually got over it and began to trust people (somewhat).
I highly recommend this book and I hope the next 2 in the series are just as good as this one. I instantly bought them once I finished and they are waiting on my kindle. The big dilemma now is do I start them or finish some chores before I get sucked into another book?
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Jun 27, 2014 | Literature |
Paper Towns by John Green
My rating: 4 of 5 stars
This was much better than the first John Green novel I read (Looking for Alaska) which I felt was too young in terms of the issues the main characters faced and their reactions to them.
Paper Towns is still about high school kids but the story doesn’t focus on them as much as it does self reflection and our views and expectations of others. It was a fast-paced, enjoyable read.
**start spoilers**
I also appreciated that everything wasn’t wrapped up in a tidy bow at the end. I think it is a much more mature and brave thing to give up something you love and want because you know it is the best thing for others. This is why I have always regarded Casablanca as the greatest love story of all times because in the end Bogart’s character could have had the girl he loved but he knew that her husband and family needed her more.
**end spoliers**
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May 20, 2014 | Literature |
Rainbow Six by Tom Clancy
My rating: 4 of 5 stars
Tom Clancy is an amazing writer, I am always surprised by how much I like his books. He does a great job of giving you a feeling of the military teams, attitudes and technology without being over-your-head with the terms and lingo.
This books started out with some world building and character building but quickly introduced “teasers” for the main plot. Once the main plot was revealed the action was non-stop to the end of the book. My problem is more with the choice of enemies (environmental terrorists) than with the actions or reactions of characters in the book.
The “bad guys” want to wipe out all life on earth to save the earth and return it to their natural state. They are willing to go to extremes (bio-terrorism) to achieve this. However most of their views and beliefs weren’t the fanatical dedication I would have expected. They drove Hummers around their compound, talked about getting bear-skin or lion-skin rugs, and utilized all manner of electricity and technology to live comfortably. Now maybe this is just an expression that you can never really tell who the terrorists are, but to me it seemed that they just wanted to create an elite society and the environmental stuff was tacked on at the end since its a “hot button issue”
The most annoying thing in the book was Clancy’s interchange of the words vegan and vegetarian. As a vegetarian for 15 years I can tell you that there is a major difference between those two terms and neither one of them include eating pastrami…. To be so precise with the military side, it seemed sloppy to me to not have this clarified.
Overall I extremely enjoyed the book and would recommend it to anyone who likes a fast-paced novel. The military stuff was not over the top and should be accessible to anyone who has seen a recent action movie.
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Jan 20, 2014 | Literature |
Bitches be crazy and Rachel is the craziest of them all.
This quote:
{“Gabriel thinks I am that lawless. I am that vengeful. I am that cruel.””You have given him reason to think so,” Josiah said very gently. She nodded. She was so weary she wanted to sink to the floor, sift into the earth, dissolve into particles of dirt. “Every reason,” she said tiredly. “But he still should not think it.”}
made me about want to throw the book across the room. Rachel is mad at Gabriel because he thinks she is cruel, which she is, and has been, but instead Rachel thinks Gabriel should think she is nice. This borders on emotional abuse!! Later he wants to stop her from going but knows she wouldn’t like it, but then she gets angry that he doesn’t stop her. WTF!! These types of interactions are repeated over and over throughout the book. This is not a lover, this is someone who is seriously bad for your health.
At the end of the book: Gabriel knows he loves Rachel, and Rachel realizes that Gabriel loves her but she STILL drugs him to complete her total dominance over him. This isn’t a case of simply humbling an arrogant person – this is destroying everything about who they are and making them a slave. Rachel’s ultimate revenge.
Other issues I had with the book:
- I realized Raphael was the bad guy the first time Rachel meets him face to face (27% in) so it made the rest of the book boring and predictable.
- I didn’t like the disbelief in God. I myself am an Atheist but if Angels appeared who could sing and change the weather on command I would consider that sufficient proof that a god did exist. The reasons for not believing were weak – “Oh sure god can change the weather but he has never killed me so I think he is fake”. WEAK!
- I was not impressed by the angels overall – this is a simple Cinderella story. Replace archangel Gabriel with Prince Gabriel or Rich Gabriel or whatever. Same old story with no new information. I am all for a new spin on an old fairy tale, but this wasn’t it.
I’m have heard the other books get better, and I’m sorry to hear that because I won’t be reading them. I wish this one was good. I did not like this book at all, and spent most of my time yelling at the characters and their actions. This book was an exercise in frustration.
Link to the book on Amazon.com
Oct 28, 2012 | Hobbies, Literature, Politics |
I got this book as part of the Humble eBook Bundle. I paid $25 for 13 books. (If you don’t know about the HumbleBundle, click here to learn more, its awesome!!) Over all I say its a 3/5 star book.
This book was released 10/2/2012 and you can also get it from Amazon.com. Here is a synopsis:
Trent McCauley is sixteen, brilliant, and obsessed with one thing: making movies on his computer by reassembling footage from popular films he downloads from the net. In the dystopian near-future Britain where Trent is growing up, this is more illegal than ever; the punishment for being caught three times is that your entire household’s access to the internet is cut off for a year, with no appeal.
Trent’s too clever for that too happen. Except it does, and it nearly destroys his family. Shamed and shattered, Trent runs away to London, where he slowly he learns the ways of staying alive on the streets. This brings him in touch with a demimonde of artists and activists who are trying to fight a new bill that will criminalize even more harmless internet creativity, making felons of millions of British citizens at a stroke.
Things look bad. Parliament is in power of a few wealthy media conglomerates. But the powers-that-be haven’t entirely reckoned with the power of a gripping movie to change people’s minds….
So why 3/5 stars? I think the content is appropriate to what is happening in the world now, but I felt the author tried a bit to hard to make it “geeky”. There was a lot of name dropping of actual programs and parts that I felt interrupted the flow of the story. It’s not because I didn’t understand the terms, but it was more a WTF moment on why you would even mention it unless you were trying to prove how computer-savvy you were to your audience. I also did not like the attitude of the main character. To me he felt very one dimensional and I didn’t really care how his story turned out. I didn’t feel he was responsible for any of the successes in the story – it was either luck/chance or the supporting characters turning the events to wins. The last point I will make is that since this story was set in England it was a bit weird for me to follow – mostly the slang terms. I’m sure the author was authentic here but not being familiar with some of the terms had me spending lots of time thinking about them. So much so that I often had to go back and re-read pages to grasp the meaning
Overall I do recommend it. The copyright/piracy/patent laws in the US are bad and they are getting worse as old-media corporations try to put in place laws like SOPA, ACTA, PIPA, etc. These corporations and lobby groups use many of the same arguments that were used in the books to pass the restrictive laws. I’m not sure if this book will spur anyone to action. I think it does a great job of opening your eyes to how people see it – that if it doesn’t affect them directly they don’t care – and why we must continue to spread the word against laws that restrict our freedom online. Give them an inch and they will take a mile
Jun 20, 2012 | Literature, Media |
My recent dissapontment with HBO’s treatment of season 2 of Game of Thrones prompted me to write a review of the A Song of Fire and Ice series by George R.R. Martin. I will admit I was not aware of this series before the HBO show but the first season was so amazing that I decided to pick it up.
The first season is pretty true to the book. I think the only big difference I noticed about the book vs show for the first season was hearing the characters’ thoughts. In the TV show most subtleties have to been spelled out since soliloquies aren’t popular any more.
I read through all 5 currently available books in the sesries before the second season and was really looking forward to it. There was so much amazing stuff that was going to happen and I was looking forward to how HBO portrayed it. In the end I had to wait weeks between episodes because wastching 2 in a row made me furious.
I’m not usually one to preach on how books are better than TV/movies but in this case I feel you would be doing yourself a disservice if you are a fan of the world/characters and you didn’t read the books.
The books are more powerful and really bring you in to care about these characters and their journeys. There were characters I didn’t like in the beginning that I ended up rooting for and one I liked that I ended up hating. I felt drawn into the world and found myself caring about the choices the charaters made.
I will go so far as to say that I think this might be a better story that Lord of the Rings (which in some circles will get you an arrow to the knee). LOTR is a fantastic story and a must read for any fantasy fan, but I felt the characters in A Song of Fire and Ice series were easier to identify with. LOTR keeps their characters on a pedastal where its hard to imagine yourself in that situation.
There are some problems with the Song of Fire and Ice books. I feel that some of the women in the story are portrayed very flat or in a way where you can very clearly tell its a man writing about how he thinks women feel/act but its biased by his stereotypes. Obviously the unfinished nature of the series is an issue as well, especially now that show has come out and changed some of the events. The story telling style and flow change from book to book as well, which although expected from any new author, can be jarring at times.
All in all I would recommend A Song of Fire and Ice series to any fantasy fan, whether or not you watch the HBO show. It was the first series to make me feel so strongly about the differences between its book and tv counterparts and any work of fiction that can provoke such an emotional reaction is worth a read.
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